2011

Well, whilst reading the book 'War of Art' I came across my number one flaw. Procrastination.

Yes, ladies and gentleman I am the Empress of Procrastination, from using the bathroom to completing deadlines. Scarily enough I have now put work deadlines ahead the progress of my personal life ( which I no longer have), to the point where even in a rerally sickly state, I tell myself ' Ok, I'll get some rest after I complete...'. now up till now, I've been choosing to see this intensity as a strength, my being valiant, brave, committed and passionate. But now I'm beginning to see myself as needing a big ol change...

after yet another disappointing, and numbing feeling from yet another 'egoist' disguised as the stereotypical 'nice guy', I have decided that the earlier mindset of quick dismissal (once convinced) is the best route. Anything more, indulgence especially, leads to confusion, unitended signals and the lessened meaning of the word ' No'. We then end up living in a world of ambiguity where false hope seems to appear on an irregular basis.

Thrown into a world where formal writing takes up all my time, though I was trained to work with visuals feels likes being thrown into a deep ravine and being expected to land on my feet. Instead I keep falling and just when I think I've crashed into the ground below, it gives way and off I go flailing in the air again. It's a constant torture, and a slow creativity killer, suppressing thoughts and ideas, in order to appropriate them for the cubicle world. The only relief I get is taking photographs, doodling, and daydreaming to be able to see past the numbing LCD screen, that drones all day, feeding me more uninteresting information. Yet yells back my inadequate incorrect format, and delusional phrasing. If I don't get to 'cut' footage, or 'correct' graphics, I might have to turn to other forms of escapism. Someone tell when it stops...

well as if the world of the worker bee, isn't confusing enough, i've entered the owrld of the single working woman box. Apparently i should be sophisticated, smooth answering, as opposed to the shy, awkward wallflower from high school. But i think she's still stuck in there somewhere and i can't get her to join in the fun. My brain jumps to assumptions, makes conclusions and way before it can start..it's already ended. And flirting? Ha ! The words are in my head, but are never able to leave my lips....where possibilities lie. I'm afraid i'll be doomed, sitting in a corner, hoping for a prince charming to ask me to dance.

Newcomer

As a newcomer to the working world, i must say it all came as quite a shock. I was one who
always had a "semi-five- year plan", i had an idea of what direction i wanted to go. Security's a big thing, after all. But as well-known as most work attributes were, my university self was just not ready for it. Statements on the contract such as '15 days leave' and 'overtime', led me dreading th demise of my youthful, exuberant spirit. The corporate working world, was soon to put an end to it. All the dreams of around-the-world cruises (whilst young) were fading, and sadly still are...
So in an effort to cope, and not allow the stress to implode what little of my sanity i have left,
I will write, vent and release the constant and valid thoughts with no place to call home.
I will share....and somehow i'll deal...i keep telling myself there so many people out there ( I hope you're reading, and have advice) experiencing the same thing, but somehow it doesn't make things better. Therefore it's aptly titled :
" Just to get it off my chest..."